Just When You Thought He Couldn't Outdo the Last 9 Years....OTH Recap

Well, Mark Schwann, you have officially outdone yourself. Just when we all think we have seen the craziest episode of O.T.H. ever, (i.e. school shooting, Crazy Nanny Carrie) you surpass that all and come up with 45 minutes of mind blowing-awesomeness.

First of all: JAMES IS BACK! YAYYY I missed James Lafferty's beautiful face. Second,  Dan, Chris Keller, and Julian= brilliant. Those three were so funny. Especially the target practice scene. As sister eloquently texted me, "Austin is sexy with a gun." (Well, Austin is sexy always, but yes packing weapons does add to his hottness.

Dan sends Julian home "because he has a family," but makes Chris Keller stay because he called shotgun. Oh, so punny, Dan. Dan is really good at running things and plotting (sister points out: "he learned a lot during his time in the slammer"). Chris is able to create a diversion (by running a car into the building and the guy who made the Kim Kardashian reference) and then runs off, because he is, after all, Chris Keller. Then Dan infiltrates the building and acts like he is a freakin' Halo game and starts taking out Russian basketball mobsters left and right.

Cut to the head Russian Basketball Mobster, who doesn't waste any time shooting what we believe to be Nathan (cue me screaming profanities at the television). However Dan gets him out (unrealistically fast-points out sister) and the two plan their escape. Dan finally ends up taking a bullet for Nate (which I def called) and gives him the gun to shoot the head Russian Basketball Mobster (I know, SERIOUSLY?).

Then the cutest part of the episode happens when Sensitive Julian himself appears and saves Nate from the evil collaborationist cop. (Cue me cheering "YAYYY JULIAN!") at the TV.

Meanwhile, it seemed to be a pretty violent evening in Tree Hill, because Brooke has an extremely scary scuffle with stalker Xavier in a never before seen parking garage. Prior to this, we always have seen characters park on the street. However, as sister points out, "Must have been crowded that day." [By the way a parking garage is right across from where they filmed Karen's cafe, it is where the actors' trailers were kept on location. Know this from when i visited Wilmington 2 summers ago :) ]. Anyways, Brooke ends up okay when Tara tazes stalker Xavier. The two then bond over their hate over the other's coffee.

Haley was barely in this one, just remembering sad flashbacks of her and Nathan. While I enjoyed watching Nathan's speech from Season 4, all I could think about was that Joy was probs watching the Season 4 OTH dvd and just pictured Mark Schwann like popping it in the dvd player. haha.

Oh and Clay and Quinn were skulking around graveyards. Nice, but I want Logan back.

Did I forget anything? OH WAIT! STUPID MARK SCHWANN WITH THE STUPID CLIFFHANGER! I was extremely upset (cue more yelling at the tv) when we didn't see anything else but Haley answering the phone. Sister and I have decided that we better get an adorable Naley reunion scene next week. If we don't I am sure there will be more yelling at the TV and I will NOT be happy.

Still, Nathan's finally back, stalker Xavier's gone, and no one hurt sweet little Davis Baker. Thank God.

Follow Me and End Up Like Me (Um, no.)

Oh Pretty Little Liars, you have gone above and beyond in your ability to creep the hell out of me tonight. I will be recollecting that "Follow Me and End Up Like Me Scene" for a long time. (Marlene King if I have nightmares tonight I am totes blaming you).

But first I have to have a little Lorelai Gilmore-type rant:
Dear People who yelled at me over Twitter tonight for tweeting during the episode,
  I totally understand if you can't watch because you are doing hw. That being said, if you are doing hw, get off Twitter and do it! Maybe if you could time manage better you would be watching and tweeting along with me instead of yelling at me for tweeting.

P.S. I wasn't tweeting anything that spoiled anything so back off.
P.P.S. This doesn't include my friend Kristin because I know you were kidding.

Rant over. Now onto the recap. (book and show spoilers lie ahead).

First of all, no Spoby minus one look by Spencer :(. Still, no Wren either, so I'll take it. Especially since Marlene King tweeted about an awesome kickass Spoby kiss next week.

Second, MonA is so obviously A and they are making us think its Melissa to throw us off. Happened in the book and is going to happen again. Second, its obvious that Garrett, Melissa, Ian, and Jenna did not kill Ali since she was killed in the woods and they were all in her room that night. Exhibit A (pun intended)= alibi.

Speaking of Jenna, I now official think she is the coolest person ever. Okay I really don't but I admire the hell outta her for convincing everyone she's still blind because that was just awesome. And I do believe that she does forgive the Liars; I think she is just trying to get some weird revenge on Garrett. Also she's not A either. Hello, red herring.

Ezria- sad. Aria was being a little dramatic though and trying to blackmail her parents was too far. There was no need to hurt her mom like that.

MonA gave Hanna an old cell phone and I bet anything that that's how Hanna figures out she's A. She prob finds old A texts or something on it.

Now to the creepy as all hell doll shop. The owner is apparently in cahoots with A (MonA) and MonA is paying her to help her creep the girls (AND VIEWERS) out. Also she is paying the weird ass kid in lollipops. Who, by the way was def talking about Noel and MonA when he said a couple with dark hair came into the shop.

Back to the creepy part, the combo of doll-lady and MonA def skeezed me out. Big time. And now I feel the need to lecture our Pretty Little Liars. Girls, if some sketchy doll is telling you to follow it in a creep Exorcist (just saw this movie for the first time this weekend and ew) voice. DON'T FOLLOW IT! Like hello have you learned nothing by being stalked for the past year! Run Away! Fast!!!!!! But alas, they don't (of course), and we are all left feeling scared as hell.

My last point before next week. Assuming MonA is A and the show continues to follow the book path (which I think they should because its sooo goood- seriously after I finished the 8th book I could not sleep that night), then it is actually Ali they all have been "seeing." Spencer scene-the door wide open, the pills gone, obvious. It's def Ali (Real Ali, not Courtney.) And if you don't know what I'm talking about then read the books because its too long to explain here.

Mmk, that's it for the night. Prediction for next week: MonA goes away (dies?) next week and new A (Real Ali) begins texting them at the very end and everyone is left with a nice WTF moment to tide them over until the summer season begins. Also, I am pumped for some Spoby love next week. Woooo hooo.

Thanks for readin'!

Dear Mark Schwann: Re: This Season.

Dear Mark Schwann,

Don't get me wrong dude, you know I love you. My love was obvious on the OTH set tour (I may or may not have jumped up and down and squeed at the sight of your parking spot). Still- even the best of friends have their issues and right now I have a bone to pick with you.

Okay, first, I have to ask. Did someone sleep with your wife (wait do you even have a wife?), kick your dog, slap your mom, or key your car recently? Because the way you are treating the residents of Tree Hill lately makes me worry about your emotional state of mind.

First-Naley. Okay, now this one isn't completely your fault. I know James decided he could not wait another year to pursue his love of travel and making useless online travel shows and that's why he is only available for a certain number of episodes. Still- I am thoroughly disappointed in the lack of Naley cuteness we have seen thus far. And it all comes back to the fact that Nate apparently got kidnapped by Russian basketball mobsters. Yes, you read that right. I know, right? SERIOUSLY??!! Mark I know you are a fan of unrealistic storylines (i.e. Crazy Nanny Carrie, stoned heart-eating dogs); but still, come on. Like REALLY?! I wouldn't care so much had it only lasted like 2 episodes, but this is getting old. We haven't seen James' perfect face or muscles in days, and when we do, he has a buzz haircut (ughh, but again not your fault). However, I am enjoying Dan and Haley teaming up and the humorous storyline of last week where Haley acted like a hooker ("Go give Deb her clothes back"-hehe).

Now- Bruilan. First of all, kudos for casting the cutest babies on the planet (Davis Baker is my personal fave.) But the Julian forgetting the carseat storyline- completely unnecessary. Sensitive Julian worries enough as it is, no need to make him even more upset. And I hated seeing his sweet face get wailed on in that one eppie. And now, stalker Xavier back? And creeping in their house holding the adorable Davis? Not cool dude. If he hurts one hair on Davis' cute head he will have to deal with an extremely angry Brooke and Julian AND me.

Now onto Clinn or Quay (whichever you prefer). I first thought that the whole sleepwalking storyline was extremely dull and stupid (Especially since it sent Nathan away again). But, as it has led to the adorable little Logan (giving season 5 Jamie a run for his money), I have accepted it. But seriously, you totes shouldn't have dyed that kid's hair. Looks weird and extremely unnatural.

What else... Fat Mouth-enough said. Chris Keller- just funny enough to keep me entertained and amused. Chase and Chuck- cute but the whole lead pipe thing was unnecessary. Chase totes would've gone to jail anyway b.t. dubs because that was wayy more than self-defense but whatevs.

So, in conclusion. Please give me my Naley back asap. Keep crazy Xavier away from cute Baker boys, and give Logan and Jamie an adorable kids scene (because they both are sooo cute).

Love,
Mel

P.S. You totes got Jimmy Edwards' death date wrong.

Pretty Little Liars 2x23, BOOM

Well, after #PLL tonight I am left creeped out and excited for next week. (So the usual).

First of all. TOBY'S BACK! YAYY! My Spoby heart squeed for a sec but then was saddened. (b/c Jenna's back too ugh) Turns out Toby's little hiatus from Rosewood turned him into a scared, angry kid. (sad face). Still, what did we expect? That he and Spencer would run into each other's arms in the hallway at Rosewood High and Jenna would preform their wedding? (if only) Not losing hope on them yet though, especially after that last scene with just the two of them in the hospital. (When Toby asked Spencer if she was okay a part of me died inside). Like helllo, just makeout already.

The most annoying part of tonight's episode was the reappearance of Dr. Wren. Like, is he the only doctor in that hospital?? Why is he always around?? Ughh goo awayy.

In other Rosewood news, Aria has decided to bond with Ali/Vivienne's ex -lover? friend? who knows? And apparently bonding means getting into the tiniest plane ever with a complete stranger who in turn let's her drive the plane. Can't say that that was Aria's best decision, but hey, who am I to judge, nothing bad happened. Maybe if her parents let her date Fitz again, she would be involved in less-dangerous activities, just sayin.'

Turning to the bad things that DID actually happen. Someone (most likely A) lured Jenna into Jason's house for a little smoke out, but Hanna of all people was there to save the day. Everyone's fine, Spencer had a minor cut (ugh cue the Dr. Wren appearance) and Jenna is fine but just scared. I have to say, I actually felt bad for Jenna here for the first time ever. Odd.

Ezra finally grew some balls tonight and mouthed off to Byron, Aria's dad. This was amusing but also scary when you remember that Byron could totes call the cops on him like any second. Oops, watch it there Ezra. Still, happy he called Aria and didn't take the job.

Also, Ali left some sort of trail for them to follow in old newspapers. Huh, very "National Treasure" of you, Al.

Other points of interest:
-I did miss Caleb and the cuteness that is Haleb
-Loved it when Hanna told off Toby. You go girl!
-I didn't really miss Maya, except for the fact that Emily was mopey all eppie long
-Now that Toby's back, the real question is when are we going to see him shirtless again? Bring those abs back out.